but...I've decided to switch things over to Wordpress.com.
You'll be able to find me now at http://beyondthewell.wordpress.com.
I hope to see you there!
the thoughts of a young woman trying to find her way in the world. reflections on the collegiate experience, life, love, religion, and current events can all be found here...
You don't know me but I am going to do for you what I wish someone would have done for me a year and a half ago. K** H***** was a delivery man for RTI when I met him about 15 years ago. He delivered packages to the school where I was a preschool director. He had tried to talk to me then but I was happily married and paid no attention.
Over the years my marriage became stale, my husband worked a lot of hours, we had some financial problems, I was feeling neglected and taken for granted. In July of 2006, I ran into K** H***** again. I had two children by then aged 8 and 15.
We started talking and he obviously sensed my vulnerabilty and took advantage of it. He began to do and be all of the things that I was missing at home. He took such an interest in my life and my job. He wanted to know everything that happened in my life. He became my best friend and confident. We began an affair. I am not proud of this, I was raised in a religious home, attended a parochial school, but it happened. I told him over and over that we needed to slow down; that I was falling in love with him. He said "good", because he felt the same way. He became jealous of my husband, telling me not to sleep with him, etc. I told my husband that I had to take an additional class for my job and spent every tues and thurs evening at K**'s house in addition to any other time during the week or weekend that I could get away. Finally after 6 months, my husband caught me heading to Oxford when I was supposed to be going to school. I admitted that I had been having an affair and was in love. He moved out of the house in February.
As soon as I was free to talk to K** anytime I wanted and to see him all the time, I realized that there were several periods of time that I could not find him. I would call late at night or early in the morning and he wouldn't answer any of his phones. We began to fight a lot. I found out that he could be truly mean and insensitive. We fought so bad that we broke up several times. During one of those times he actually sent me a picture of some other woman in her bra and panties posing in his bathtub to hurt me and make me jealous. When we would make up he would always tell me that the other women were just "friends" and that he wasn't sleeping with anyone else, but I'm not crazy and didn't believe him. One night I held a meeting at my school and he didn't believe that's where I was. He called me on my cell and accused me of seeing someone else. I drove all the way out to his house to show him the receipt from the pizza that we had served at the meeting to prove where I was and there was a strange car in his driveway and he wouldn't answer the door.
I didn't talk to him for a couple months after that. Then in the beginning of October he started calling and coming around again. I had tried to forget him and started to see someone else, but I was still in love with him and he knew it. I found the birthday card that you gave him in his truck so I knew that he was seeing someone but he said you were just another "friend". He made the mistake a couple of weeks ago of sending me an email that he had also forwarded to you so I got your email address.
I know that you are at least one of the people that he is currently seeing because I was in his bed Sunday morning when you called around 9:15 a.m. I didn't come to his father's funeral because I am white and didn't want to answer a whole lot of questions about who I was and how I knew him. I have been with him at least once a week for the past 6 weeks again.
I think that he is lying to both of us and probably several others. I don't think that he has the capacity to be faithful to anyone. I am going to try to stop seeing him and forget him. I know that the only way I can do that is to get him to leave me alone. This will probably make him mad enough to finally stop calling me. I hope that it's not too late for you to get out. Even if you decide not to, at least you know the truth. He can never be honest or true to anyone. I also don't think that he can ever love anyone else because he is too in love with himself. Even though he says it, I don't think that he really knows what it means.
He has ruined my life, I hope he doesn't do the same to you. We always blame the other women when it is really these men that play with our emotions that we should punish. If you want to know anything, please don't hesitate to ask. I truly wish someone would have sent me this email before I got so involved with him. They would have saved myself and my family so much pain and heartache.
This past year God called me to "step out" in a variety of ways in my life. His callings took me into unfamiliar territory. I, too, had a choice to make. I either had to stay where I was, or cross the Sea. To stay where I was meant that I wouldn't fulfill the "hope of my calling," or enter my "promised land". This is where God's blessings would flow fully and abundantly to me and through me as I allowed Him to be Lord of my life. There's much reward in obedience. I knew that crossing the sea was the way to go. I knew it was best for me, and yet I stood on the shore saying, "Do I cross or not cross?"
Put yourself in the place of the Israelites. Picture yourself standing by the Red Sea. The Egyptians are hot on your trail. Moses raises the staff and the waters part. You're standing on the shore looking at that. You have to run down a hill to the bottom of the sea. Can you imagine how high the walls of water would be on each side of you? What about the noise of the wind holding the water back? You'd be thinking, "If I run into this, will the waters stay back until I get across? Can I make it before the waters come crashing back in?" "By faith the people passed through the Red Sea as on dry land."
Even when God is offering deliverance or a good path, it still takes faith to accept it!
The good news is our God is so faithful to us. He doesn't stand on the other side of the sea shouting, "Hurry up and run!" He gently and lovingly stands by our side, takes our hand, and says: "Beloved, don't be afraid. I will not leave you nor forsake you, I have summoned you by name, you are mine. When you walk through the waters I will be with you, they will not sweep over you, for I am the Lord your God and I love you...together, let's cross the sea" (adapted from Isaiah 43)...
Whatever sea of circumstances you might have, may you, by faith, cross the sea as though on dry land.
There has been a change in the 15 Principles of Good Academic Customer Service. (If you'd like a copy, click here) It became obvious to us that the old Principle 7 Websites must be well-designed, easy to navigate, written for and focused on students and actually informative was actually starting to be heeded. More and more colleges and universities were calling to ask for help in redesigning their websites to meet Principle 7. The recognition of the importance of the web is a reality for most schools...
Every school seems to be after better students (than what they have I suppose though few can actually annunciate a clear definition of better). Even colleges and universities that are considered selective to highly selective want better. No one seems to be satisfied with the level of their students’ abilities, intellectual curiosity or aptitude. They all believe admissions needs to recruit better students. It is admissions job and fault after all. They seem to want students who can already write, do calculus, think and know subjects at the college level. Students who will love learning in all subjects just as they who want the better students did not.
But the reality is that most students will not fall into that already smart group. In fact, they are coming to college to get smart because they are not there yet. It is our job not to recognize their brilliance but to amplify and add to what they bring with them so they can become more intelligent in general and even competent in other areas so they can leave college and get a career/job.
Keep in mind that even the best universities have to offer developmental courses to some of their top students. Yes, I know. Your school does not offer remedial courses. Your students are above the norm. Right. Check out some of the introductory course curricula. Giving a course other than a developmental name does not make it non-developmental. Some of these courses are even watered down enough so their geniuses can pass. Poetry for Physics Majors anyone?
The admission folks have not failed you when they recruit a class for you to teach. The students they bring in are what they could sign up for the school. They come from high schools which may or may not have really prepared them well for future study. They may be nerds, artists, math whizzes, writers, jocks, generally intelligent, over achievers, under-performers, unmotivated, awkward, smooth, tall, short, fat, thin, excited or bored. The one thing they have in common is they have decided to trust you and your school to get them to their goals. They are putting their future in your classroom. They may not yet be bright but then your job is to help them get closer to intelligence and ability.
They may not write well. You are to help them learn to communicate better.
Algebra could be just a total blank. Fill in the spaces.
Science a foggy notion. Clarify.
Bored by your class. Excite them!
And just as someone helped make you into the brilliant member of the collegiate community you are, you have the same job for each and every student in your care. To elevate them so they can join whatever career and community they seek in life.
If they already knew and could do, they wouldn’t need you or your university. If they were already their best, what would there be for you to do? But don’t worry; our high school grads do need you and college to become their best.
So, Principle 7 has changed to become